my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
