Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
