You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
