you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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