He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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