Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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