I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
