You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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