That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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