too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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