this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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