i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
