Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
