dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
