Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
