those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
