I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
