my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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