the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
