Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
