yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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