I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
