Banned from zoo.
Again?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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