..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
