4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
