I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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