Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
