You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
