I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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