Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
