I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
