Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
