Sober January is a disaster.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
