OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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