Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
