I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
