Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize