Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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