I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
