3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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