K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
