when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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