dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
