Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
