apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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