I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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