i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
