I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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