ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
