my mouth tastes like poor choices
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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