I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
