I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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