my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im holly from the hills drunk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
