the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
