What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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