Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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