You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
