you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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