Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize