his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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