Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
