I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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