I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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