friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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