Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Damn victory sex feels great
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
