it was like eating out sand paper
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
