I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
