The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
