Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
