Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
