I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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