i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
