last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
